“We’re hollow like the bottles that we drink”

“400 Lux” -Lorde, Pure Heroine

I’ve developed a huge appreciation for this album and Lorde as an artist. Age aside, she points out issues with alcoholism. Something that’s been heavy on my mind over these past few months.

In no way am I free of this criticism. Actually I am at the center of it. I do not identify as an alcoholic, but I deal with a sliver of alcoholism. When I choose to drink – which is not often – I go overboard. It’s hard for me to set a limit and stick with it. Like this weekend… I may or may not have had 8 drinks within 3 hours. Not alone, but in the company of friends and acquaintances who thought nothing of it. And to put it bluntly, I’m sick of it.

I’m sick of bars and clubs being the spaces that a large majority of young people go to meet each other. I’m sick of pictures of alcohol and its consumption crowding Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook. I’m sick of meeting people drunk and making a connection then having it mean nothing sober. Most of all, I’m sick of myself for being apart of this mess of alcoholism.

I’ve had conversations with close friends about our commonalities in feeling “hollow” after a night of drinking to get drunk and how actions of the night  are regarded the next day as “meaningless.” However, in fact the actions are weighted with meaning in our personal lives. This is an extreme issue. It shows the tangible depressant effects of alcohol.

To give it up is unreal. I enjoy a pint of stout, glass of red wine and a whiskey ginger just as much as the next. But I’m ready for socially drinking heavily to be seen as the reality that it is. To begin recognizing intoxicated interactions (platonic and intimate) as important when we wake up sober. Also, to know the issues for ourselves and others that come with alcoholism.

Alcohol can be a supplement to a social space, but when it lies at the heart of it, I’m unsure. Sure we can wake up hung over and comment on how “epic” and “fun” the night before was, but what are we really feeling?

I’ve answered and solved nothing in this post, but it’s a conversation worth having.

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